Chapter 125
The butterflies that had been crushed were once again neatly folded, filling one of Joo Yi-Jin’s desk drawers even after two and a half years had passed. To her, each and every pure white paper butterfly was so precious that calling them treasures would not be an overstatement. Perhaps that was why, even now, whenever she saw a butterfly, her gaze was drawn to it as if entranced.
Yi-Jin, sitting beside Joo Yi-Gyeol’s motionless body, looked down at him with a wistful smile.
"When I took my first college entrance exam, you wrote on a butterfly that you wished for me to be happy for the rest of my life."
Having stared at it so often that she remembered even the strokes of the handwriting, Yi-Jin repeated the words that surfaced vividly in her mind.
"I feel the same. I also want you to be happy for the rest of your life…"
Yi-Jin’s voice began to tremble slightly.
"I want you to live doing whatever you want."
The gentle smile on her lips wavered just like her voice.
"Don’t worry about others, don’t apologize, and even if you act selfishly, I just want you to smile because you truly feel happy."
It felt as if Joo Yi-Gyeol’s words, once written on the butterfly, were echoing vividly in her ears. Those words traveled through her voice, reaching Joo Yi-Gyeol.
[I'll always be cheering for you, Yi-Jin.]
“…I’ll always be cheering for you too, oppa.”
Wiping the tears forming at the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand, Yi-Jin forced a broad smile.
"From now on, let’s do everything you want to do, oppa. Promise me… we will."
Though Joo Yi-Gyeol remained asleep, uncertain when he would wake, if he ever did, Yi-Jin wished to grant him anything he desired when that moment came.
Because he was her beloved family, someone she loved, she expected nothing in return.
Looking at Joo Yi-Gyeol with warm eyes, Yi-Jin heard a sound from the entrance. Quickly wiping her eyes again, she stood up. Their mother had returned from the restaurant, pleased that she had brought back some leftover side dishes. Yi-Jin responded with a thumbs-up. Soon, the two of them were taking out empty containers to transfer the food, engaging in cheerful conversation.
The room was filled with bright light.
Within it, along with the clear melody of a music box, an inaudible voice seemed to linger.
Yi-Jin’s unexpected words made Joo Yi-Gyeol’s heart ache even more.
A foreign door lock, unfamiliar furniture, a different atmosphere.
All he felt was a sense of estrangement.
But the moment he realized that Yi-Jin had picked up the discarded paper butterfly and read the message inside, her words seemed to fill this unfamiliar space.
"I feel the same. I also want you to be happy for the rest of your life, and I want you to live doing whatever you want."
Would that really be okay?
He had chosen suicide as if running away from his family, and even now, he continued to cause them pain. Did he truly deserve to live as he pleased?
"Don’t worry about others, don’t apologize, and even if you act selfishly, I just want you to smile because you truly feel happy."
If that were really possible…
"From now on, let’s do everything you want to do, oppa. Promise me… we will."
Would it be okay to be selfish?
Even though his body was weak, he was still alive. If he returned to the way things were before, could he finally live without being cast aside? His family was still warm and bright like they had been before his illness. If he returned, maybe this time, they wouldn’t turn away from him. Maybe he wouldn’t have to curl up like a burden anymore. Instead of forcing fake smiles to hide his loneliness, maybe he could truly smile out of joy.
But if he chose his family now, what would happen to his connection with Sethian? Would they go back to being strangers?
At this moment, if he chose to stay by his family’s side, no matter how hard he tried, it felt like he would never see Seth again. That thought terrified him.
"Living with the one you love is far more selfish than you think."
That day, when Joo Yi-Gyeol learned that he had been living by consuming Sethian’s vitality, the former emperor had smiled serenely at his turmoil and spoken those words.
"I selfishly chose to create a new body and bind it to me so that Zair could live with a dream in his heart. And yet… I didn’t tell him the truth, even when I knew things were going wrong because I was afraid he would break."
—But that was all for Prince Zair’s sake. You continued to send him vitality without him knowing, and you even held off on appointing a crown prince for his sake.
Even in his incorporeal state, the former emperor shook his head firmly.
What he had done for Zair could be described as a sacrifice. If not for him, Zair would have spent his entire life limping, unable to pursue his goal of the throne, and ultimately, he would have made a tragic choice.
"Yes, I made those choices for Zair. But don’t you think that was selfish?"
Selfish. A word that had nothing to do with sacrifice.
"Zair never wanted me to sacrifice for him. Even if he suffered, he wanted to overcome everything on his own. But under the guise of doing it for him, I trampled all over that resolve and selfishly chose to sacrifice myself."
—That… Your Majesty’s actions weren’t selfish…
"They were. Even silent sacrifices for a loved one are selfish. No matter how beautifully you phrase it, in the end, it’s something you do because you want to."
The former emperor’s gentle smile turned increasingly bitter.
"Living with the one you love always comes with selfishness."
Joo Yi-Gyeol couldn’t understand. He had always believed that when it came to someone you loved, being unselfish was natural. But the former emperor was saying something completely different.
"Why do you think Sethian never told you about his lifespan?"
He couldn’t answer the question.
Why indeed? If Seth had told him from the start… what would he have done?
"That was when he had already begun to love you."
—That can’t be…
He had been nothing more than an invisible soul, and even when he had a body, he had been nothing but a lifeless corpse. He had nothing to offer, nothing worth looking at—how could that be possible?
Even in the face of his denial, the former emperor smiled warmly, as if he was certain of his words.
"There’s no greater proof of love than a selfish sacrifice and an earnest wish."
Reaching out, he gently caressed a golden butterfly as if stroking a cheek.
"A one-sided selfishness can never sustain a relationship. So, you must choose. Either leave his side so you can no longer make selfish choices, or become just as selfish as he is."
His words shook Joo Yi-Gyeol’s entire being.
—Did Kaen choose for himself?
Kaen—the second person to receive the former emperor’s vitality and the one who had promised to stay with him until the end. He had become a golden butterfly with a wish before death and received a new body from the emperor. Joo Yi-Gyeol wondered what choice that man had made.
The former emperor’s expression softened as he lowered his gaze at the mention of Kaen’s name.
"That child has already made his choice."
His voice gradually faded in Joo Yi-Gyeol’s mind.
A selfish sacrifice. A selfish choice.
The words were terrifying. So, he had run away from Sethian—just like he had tried to run from his family.
With the medicine he had received from Roa through the emperor, he had been suppressing the absorption of vitality, letting death creep closer with each passing day. Even though he could remain as a wandering soul until Sethian’s final day, he couldn’t escape the fear.
He was terrified.
The time to choose was approaching, yet he couldn’t make a decision. It felt like a ticking bomb was lodged in his heart.
Before the timer ran out, he had left Sethian. He couldn’t bear to watch him sacrifice his life any longer. He had thought it was the right choice.
But just once… just this once… he wanted to be selfish.
‘Yi-Jin… Oppa… I…’
Tears, which should not have flowed, seemed to pour endlessly.
‘Still, I want to be by Seth’s side…’
Even if it was selfish, he wanted to live with Seth.
Somewhere, he thought he heard Sethian’s voice.
Looking up in surprise, he saw a golden butterfly floating gently in the air.
—Come back, Joo Yi-Gyeol.
Was Seth still searching for him? Even after he had run away?
‘But… I can’t live while cutting down your lifespan…’
Then, he remembered his conversation with Roa.
“Is there really no way… to live without cutting down Seth’s lifespan?”
That had been the day after Zair’s affairs were settled, when Roa had come to deliver the medicine the emperor had mentioned.
Roa answered his question with a pained expression.
“Whether it is a dead soul or a living spirit, souls do not originally possess a lifespan. Even if one has been transferred from an original body with plenty of life left, a body without a soul has almost no way of being kept alive, so it generally dies before long. Because of that, once the soul enters a new body, the only place it can draw lifespan from is the vitality of its owner.”
“My original body… is probably dead after all….”
“It likely is. Especially in the case of a living spirit, you could, in theory, enter the original body and draw its remaining lifespan back simply by wishing for it… but even if that were possible, how many days of life could really remain in an original body that has little time left to live?”
At the time, those words had only made Joo Yi-Gyeol despair even more, but now it was different.
An original body, frail though it was, still managing to hold on to life thanks to advanced medical care.
If it was the lifespan he now had in that body……
As he looked at his own body, Joo Yi-Gyeol lifted his gaze once more to the golden butterfly floating in the air.
—Come back, Joo Yi-Gyeol.
Now, he had to choose.
Yi-Jin, sitting beside Joo Yi-Gyeol’s motionless body, looked down at him with a wistful smile.
"When I took my first college entrance exam, you wrote on a butterfly that you wished for me to be happy for the rest of my life."
Having stared at it so often that she remembered even the strokes of the handwriting, Yi-Jin repeated the words that surfaced vividly in her mind.
"I feel the same. I also want you to be happy for the rest of your life…"
Yi-Jin’s voice began to tremble slightly.
"I want you to live doing whatever you want."
The gentle smile on her lips wavered just like her voice.
"Don’t worry about others, don’t apologize, and even if you act selfishly, I just want you to smile because you truly feel happy."
It felt as if Joo Yi-Gyeol’s words, once written on the butterfly, were echoing vividly in her ears. Those words traveled through her voice, reaching Joo Yi-Gyeol.
[I'll always be cheering for you, Yi-Jin.]
“…I’ll always be cheering for you too, oppa.”
Wiping the tears forming at the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand, Yi-Jin forced a broad smile.
"From now on, let’s do everything you want to do, oppa. Promise me… we will."
Though Joo Yi-Gyeol remained asleep, uncertain when he would wake, if he ever did, Yi-Jin wished to grant him anything he desired when that moment came.
Because he was her beloved family, someone she loved, she expected nothing in return.
Looking at Joo Yi-Gyeol with warm eyes, Yi-Jin heard a sound from the entrance. Quickly wiping her eyes again, she stood up. Their mother had returned from the restaurant, pleased that she had brought back some leftover side dishes. Yi-Jin responded with a thumbs-up. Soon, the two of them were taking out empty containers to transfer the food, engaging in cheerful conversation.
The room was filled with bright light.
Within it, along with the clear melody of a music box, an inaudible voice seemed to linger.
Yi-Jin’s unexpected words made Joo Yi-Gyeol’s heart ache even more.
A foreign door lock, unfamiliar furniture, a different atmosphere.
All he felt was a sense of estrangement.
But the moment he realized that Yi-Jin had picked up the discarded paper butterfly and read the message inside, her words seemed to fill this unfamiliar space.
"I feel the same. I also want you to be happy for the rest of your life, and I want you to live doing whatever you want."
Would that really be okay?
He had chosen suicide as if running away from his family, and even now, he continued to cause them pain. Did he truly deserve to live as he pleased?
"Don’t worry about others, don’t apologize, and even if you act selfishly, I just want you to smile because you truly feel happy."
If that were really possible…
"From now on, let’s do everything you want to do, oppa. Promise me… we will."
Would it be okay to be selfish?
Even though his body was weak, he was still alive. If he returned to the way things were before, could he finally live without being cast aside? His family was still warm and bright like they had been before his illness. If he returned, maybe this time, they wouldn’t turn away from him. Maybe he wouldn’t have to curl up like a burden anymore. Instead of forcing fake smiles to hide his loneliness, maybe he could truly smile out of joy.
But if he chose his family now, what would happen to his connection with Sethian? Would they go back to being strangers?
At this moment, if he chose to stay by his family’s side, no matter how hard he tried, it felt like he would never see Seth again. That thought terrified him.
"Living with the one you love is far more selfish than you think."
That day, when Joo Yi-Gyeol learned that he had been living by consuming Sethian’s vitality, the former emperor had smiled serenely at his turmoil and spoken those words.
"I selfishly chose to create a new body and bind it to me so that Zair could live with a dream in his heart. And yet… I didn’t tell him the truth, even when I knew things were going wrong because I was afraid he would break."
—But that was all for Prince Zair’s sake. You continued to send him vitality without him knowing, and you even held off on appointing a crown prince for his sake.
Even in his incorporeal state, the former emperor shook his head firmly.
What he had done for Zair could be described as a sacrifice. If not for him, Zair would have spent his entire life limping, unable to pursue his goal of the throne, and ultimately, he would have made a tragic choice.
"Yes, I made those choices for Zair. But don’t you think that was selfish?"
Selfish. A word that had nothing to do with sacrifice.
"Zair never wanted me to sacrifice for him. Even if he suffered, he wanted to overcome everything on his own. But under the guise of doing it for him, I trampled all over that resolve and selfishly chose to sacrifice myself."
—That… Your Majesty’s actions weren’t selfish…
"They were. Even silent sacrifices for a loved one are selfish. No matter how beautifully you phrase it, in the end, it’s something you do because you want to."
The former emperor’s gentle smile turned increasingly bitter.
"Living with the one you love always comes with selfishness."
Joo Yi-Gyeol couldn’t understand. He had always believed that when it came to someone you loved, being unselfish was natural. But the former emperor was saying something completely different.
"Why do you think Sethian never told you about his lifespan?"
He couldn’t answer the question.
Why indeed? If Seth had told him from the start… what would he have done?
"That was when he had already begun to love you."
—That can’t be…
He had been nothing more than an invisible soul, and even when he had a body, he had been nothing but a lifeless corpse. He had nothing to offer, nothing worth looking at—how could that be possible?
Even in the face of his denial, the former emperor smiled warmly, as if he was certain of his words.
"There’s no greater proof of love than a selfish sacrifice and an earnest wish."
Reaching out, he gently caressed a golden butterfly as if stroking a cheek.
"A one-sided selfishness can never sustain a relationship. So, you must choose. Either leave his side so you can no longer make selfish choices, or become just as selfish as he is."
His words shook Joo Yi-Gyeol’s entire being.
—Did Kaen choose for himself?
Kaen—the second person to receive the former emperor’s vitality and the one who had promised to stay with him until the end. He had become a golden butterfly with a wish before death and received a new body from the emperor. Joo Yi-Gyeol wondered what choice that man had made.
The former emperor’s expression softened as he lowered his gaze at the mention of Kaen’s name.
"That child has already made his choice."
His voice gradually faded in Joo Yi-Gyeol’s mind.
A selfish sacrifice. A selfish choice.
The words were terrifying. So, he had run away from Sethian—just like he had tried to run from his family.
With the medicine he had received from Roa through the emperor, he had been suppressing the absorption of vitality, letting death creep closer with each passing day. Even though he could remain as a wandering soul until Sethian’s final day, he couldn’t escape the fear.
He was terrified.
The time to choose was approaching, yet he couldn’t make a decision. It felt like a ticking bomb was lodged in his heart.
Before the timer ran out, he had left Sethian. He couldn’t bear to watch him sacrifice his life any longer. He had thought it was the right choice.
But just once… just this once… he wanted to be selfish.
‘Yi-Jin… Oppa… I…’
Tears, which should not have flowed, seemed to pour endlessly.
‘Still, I want to be by Seth’s side…’
Even if it was selfish, he wanted to live with Seth.
Somewhere, he thought he heard Sethian’s voice.
Looking up in surprise, he saw a golden butterfly floating gently in the air.
—Come back, Joo Yi-Gyeol.
Was Seth still searching for him? Even after he had run away?
‘But… I can’t live while cutting down your lifespan…’
Then, he remembered his conversation with Roa.
“Is there really no way… to live without cutting down Seth’s lifespan?”
That had been the day after Zair’s affairs were settled, when Roa had come to deliver the medicine the emperor had mentioned.
Roa answered his question with a pained expression.
“Whether it is a dead soul or a living spirit, souls do not originally possess a lifespan. Even if one has been transferred from an original body with plenty of life left, a body without a soul has almost no way of being kept alive, so it generally dies before long. Because of that, once the soul enters a new body, the only place it can draw lifespan from is the vitality of its owner.”
“My original body… is probably dead after all….”
“It likely is. Especially in the case of a living spirit, you could, in theory, enter the original body and draw its remaining lifespan back simply by wishing for it… but even if that were possible, how many days of life could really remain in an original body that has little time left to live?”
At the time, those words had only made Joo Yi-Gyeol despair even more, but now it was different.
An original body, frail though it was, still managing to hold on to life thanks to advanced medical care.
If it was the lifespan he now had in that body……
As he looked at his own body, Joo Yi-Gyeol lifted his gaze once more to the golden butterfly floating in the air.
—Come back, Joo Yi-Gyeol.
Now, he had to choose.
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